I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you will always have a special place in my vag
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
