How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
time to smoke my breakfast
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
