Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
