the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
