Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
