you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
