That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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