Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
