The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
