I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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