hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
