Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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