Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
