No stitches, just platelets and will power
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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