I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
