she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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