Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
