Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
