Only a mothe r could love this liver
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
