Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
