I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
