oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
