This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
