btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also, beer. Big fan.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
