There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
