I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
