I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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