My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
