Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
