Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
