I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
