she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
