your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
