I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Enjoy the penises
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
