not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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