No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
