I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
time to smoke my breakfast
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
