We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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