I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
