DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's blow job season.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
