You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
