She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
