I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
