I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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