I want to stick my p in your. b.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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