Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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