Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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