all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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