office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
