Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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