We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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