Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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