I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
