dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i will never coherently bang her
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
