Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
