So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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