If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
